Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Something you can say no more

My dentist once told me that letting go is like pulling a tooth.when it was pulled out, you're relieved, but how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? probably a hundred times a day. just because it was not hurting you doesnt meant you did not notice it. it leaves a gap and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. its going to take a while, but it takes time. should you have kept the tooth? no. because it causing you so much pain. therefore, move on and let go.

i found this from kak fatin's insta lol.
therefore, im moving on and letting go.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

After the fact

This is a random post. every post is random lol

Currently fighting a massive sleepiness and this is almost like a, serious sexual tension. more depressing than the actual sexual tension. or maybe i just forgot how the tension actually feels like? lalahlaaaaala... i almost fell in asleep in the shower..guess that this means im too sleepy to even comprehend staying up for another second. arghhhhh
because i'm doing physics tutorial,erh cool right? :p

my new hobby anyway. stare at the ceiling like its going to throw me food
and i swear i will never ever ever ever ever cut my hair short ever ever ever again 
oh yea, neck kissing. random much. bye

Friday, December 21, 2012

I've had my fun, let's move on to something else now

Some people have a legitimate reason to feel depressed, but not me
and i know you are like..

Im tired of talking to myself when im in the toilet, im afraid if theres a weird unknown face or ghost that may be appeared suddenly
so i guess i should start writing on my blog again. yes, ON the blog
but everytime i start to write, ....

I just wanna say, what had happened wasnt anybody's fault and i dont hate you, but i just, hmmmm  whatttefuck! haha
yes, emo
its just that, oh whoaa. anything can change in a blink of an eye, woo its rare. or maybe in a blink of eyes. i believe in Allah, that everything happens for a reason,but in this case, FOR REASONSSS. alhamdulillah :)

Yeah, when you fall, you get hurt. it can be hard to walk again, or to even stand up again.
but when you fall in love,its different. you may fall too deep and you never want to get out from the shit ass love :) i know you never tried to dig the hole of love and i never wanna put the blame on anyone because it was what Allah's will and power. i dont regret the past, i know you've tried hard, i know you did love me in the past, i could feel it. or even if you were not trying that hard... it has gone, i do understand your situation. 
i was just. sad and shocked in relief
that finally you decided to stop me from getting hurt by your weird attitudes, cold words and responses, ignorance. well, i should never have cared. but i did, and i still fucking care.

Just,look, how everything happened. we went from talking every damn hours to maybe once or twice a day. we went from loving each other to you, who dont love me back. i know i met you for a reason, for all these years i had spent every single piece of my life with you, thinking about you, crying for you, waiting for your call for the entire day and everyday when you were at hostel. i just dont know what the reason is, or maybe not now. without regret, so i will never be able to regret what i didnt do for love so i will never be able to look back and say 'what if' because i always went after what was. i love without regret so i'll live a life with my love one day. phewww hahah

If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0

I dont know what this is. I cant explain these feelings. Im not in love but i want you to be happy. i knew i cant always be the one to make you happy but i would love every single oppurtunity to be able to. i want to give you things you've been missing in your life. i want you to know that you have someone you can truely count on to be there for you whenever you need them. you can depend on me.
i want to stand by you no matter what life throws at us, and im willing to fight. because god knows your stubborness and mine have gotten us into trouble before, but i want to work through every single conflict with you.
Its impossible to stay mad at you no matter how deeply you've hurt me or dissapointed me. i want to care for you like no one else has ever or ever will, not even your own mother. you need to know that you can trust me with your secrets, your insecurities, your sillyness and immaturity, with the most important things in your life. i wont judge you , ever. and even if i wont agree with something, it wont make me feel any different about you.
You need to know that you can be yourself around me because everyone needs at least one person who they can tear down the walls with and just be themselves entirely. i wantt to make you feel safe, like you can once again trust the good in people, that theres still hope.thats not all seven billion people on earth are the same. that someone genuinely does care. 
i want to give everything i have to you and i ask for nothing in return. i want to help you to be the best person you wish to be, and i want to be there for you every step of the way because you are important to me and you matter.
i believe in you. i dont know why i feel this way but i do. is this what love is? to sacrifice your own happiness for the benefits of another individual? i dont know about that. but im not in love i guess.i dont even like you. so why do i feel these things for you?

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Lone pairs

i have chemistry test tomorrow morning
i just want to drop by je lol
ive so many things to write but i just dont know how to arrange my ideas
i dont care if im the only one who cares

so.. i am currently at kolej mara seremban
there are a lot to tell about this place
(i always hope that ill help my future juniors cause ive been fucked up to the max as theres nothing about kms in any blog, except one. that will never gonna help anyone) lol emo laks

not today, not now
im still in dilemma btw, whether to go for medic or no
ya allah tolonglah alyaa :(

Sunday, July 8, 2012

MAIWP Baitulmal Interview (Medic in Egypt)

Assalamualaikum..he he

This is the toughest interview ever guys!!
okay so whyyy? because MAIWP will give you about 15,000usd per year for medic di mesir (tak banyak pun but i think its enough or more than enough to live in egypt)
emm but i dont think the interview is hard because of the total money they give you

OK so what has been asked to me during the interview:

0. tell us about your family, whatchu do in your previous school..
1. kelantan's issue (air, sungai)
2. FELDA's issue
3. tell us about the current issue
4. what blog are u following, tell us whats the content
5. newspaper u read? (i answered HARAKAH by accident! )
6. tell us about twitter and facebook
7. sekolah agama dapat pangkat apa UPSRA
8. how is your bahasa arab's knowledge? how many years u learn b.arab?
9. baca surah Yaasin
10. any other surah yang panjang? ( i chose al-mulk! and thank god tak suruh baca sampai habis)

Some of my friends were asked about the nuclear thingy, rukun solat, rukun iman, syarat sah... be prepared la for feqah's knowledge :P
and the interview was in bahasa kay, :)

Alhamdulillah, as a result, saya berjaya ditawarkan biasiswa ini! :)
Terima kasih ya allah :)

*some of my friends failed to answer almost everything except their personal details but still got the offer. hehe i dont know how MAIWP choose people to sponsor :p but of course they'll choose the best la kan? maybe my friends lied that they fail to answer lololol

Friday, June 29, 2012

MARA Interview

Alhamdulillah i got a chance to go for MARA interview :) it was just the same with the UTP interview but the difference is, there was no individual interview. So, i was called for Medicine course in Egypt and yeah, the interview was also about medic -_- but each group were given a different cases, not necessarily about the course you are taking! because the other group of medic has to talk about.. something to do with celebrities. lol. 
Basically, there were 8 persons pergroup, with 3 interviewers. We have to do either debate or discussion with a conclusion as an ending and we MUST have conclusion, thats the rules! and....the duration was:1 hour. 
Me and my groupmates did a big mistake :( we didnt do what we were asked to do, pergh. haha and sepanjang intervview we kept on giggling and laughing macam tak serious T_T punyalah tak nervous sampai jadi macam ni. So my advise is, BE SERIOUS.

The interview session ended with a soal jawab session. This time u have to be a clever spontaneous person. or u will answer shits. :P


alhamdulillah, dapat jugak mara ni after the rayuan stage haha alhamdulillah alhamdulillah :)
so i got kejuruteraan australia/new zealand at Kolej Mara Seremban. Buat A-level dulu for 2 years!! maigad, pray for my best friends :S 

UTP educamp Interview

Ahah! hai :P emm this is a random post...
Just wanna share with you guys how i went through the interview :) lolol
so it was a fun interview....cause i woke up at 3am just to go to there haha, thanks to ibu and ayah who were willing to accompany me that day, from the veeeery early in the morning to 8pm haha -_-
eh okay, the interview has 3 sessions, if u came early, u'll get the first session, and u can go home early..or u will start your interview at 4pm, and alhamdulillah i got the second session eventho sampai 7am! pfftshh

Firstly after the registration, u have to sit in the group, like 5 members per group, and of course u can choose your own group member. so if u come with your friends, emm apa nak cakap.. heaven. lol *takdalah heaven sangat* means, you can do the interview with your beloved friend..haha i think it will be easier

Hawevah, i knew nobody in my group, and all of them are schoolmates, except ME. but it went fine, they were so friendly! so there were 2 phases, individual interview and group interview. before the first phase interview started, we've been given a study case entitled: Crime Waves. (each group has different topic) It has nothing to do with physics okay.. haha dont worry. it was about a crime among youngsters.. we have to give our opinion about the case. just a very simple opinion but with a bundle of points..so there will be no silences in the interview room :P for both phases, individual and group, there has nothing to worry about and no preparations needed LOL u only have to bring your confidence and widen up your mind and eyes so u wont feel so sleepy. *awkward moment*

UTP is a very nice place, me and bf *lol* camwhoring ah apa lagi :3

Alhamdulillah, i succeeded in this interview and got a place in UTP for petroleum and geoscience engineering :) 

Friday, March 30, 2012

It's me again!

If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0

Hey anyone...haha
i have something to show you!

OK this is my spm result, alhamdulillah i got straight a's :_) and saya masih tidak percaya arghhh!
few days before the result i keep convincing myself, how hard i studied, how i have tried my best just to avoid myself from crying. i had very stressful days, blergh i have no confidence at all because of my attitude and all.
i was like, to get what i want or what i expect or whatever.
mmm yaloh my trial was bad, from the first class kene turun class. i felt so rough n stupid. haa :(
but my family and friends semua mcm confident je aku akan dapat cemerlang, i know what i du ok people, i know! jangan nak pandai2 confident pulak! (marah) hahaha
because of everyone was expecting something too high from me, i have to pray to god, always doa and pray and doa.

So dear friends, never stop praying to Allah :)

Sunday, March 18, 2012


Oh anyone, anyone, anybody!
please send me to belgium this july! i wanna be at the biggest and the best festival in the world :(
hahahaha pleasehhhhshshsh

Monday, February 13, 2012

Just this post.

I'm glad i just cried. Yesterday is just my another bitching day, i'm not sure if i was being bitch or my hormones were raging.

I have interview today, wow. this is a rezeki of a month so far! Alhamdulillah... I'm so happy, i need a job laika seriously...but.. aaah, i have a problem with this gift from god :( (lol padahal baru interview......ahh whatever!) first of all, the problem gonna rise when i start to fuck up with a job life. ( i also said fuck a lot yesterday :( and i hate it ) that wrong feeling when i want to quit! oh ahh :( the procedure...just a lil bit of experience here...

all above is not a problem actually.
no problem at all....i want to say something else which is moreeee important now, the fact that i dont want to go anywhere (have a job) just because...i dont want to leave him, i feel so bad about this. sooo soo bad. i know, i'm sure that he'll be just fine but i just dont want. i dont want to have something else in mind, or physically that has nothing to do with him. studying life has no exception here,which i still feel bad. this thoughts and statements may be too weak. but, whos reading anyway?

i love this moment of life..from the last paper of biology till now. i have nothing to study, read or do at all! i feel heaven, as heaven as heaven. because i will probably spend my next 7 years studying, non stop studying...or maybe for a lifetime after this. but, .... emm not to study or has something to be stressed for is not really a thing for me....actualllllay. the best thing is,
having him around. also not studying.. :) i dont have to worry about things like when he'll be having his extra class, when he's going to end our limited texting session, sunday blues, his busy day, his most tiring day which is every single day at school, his sad day at school or stressful day etc etc etc forever etc.
and of course, im thinking that we're gonna spend more time to get to know each other but i dont know why, once a week dating is such a dissapointment for me. not because of him,nooo!! i just...hmm i'm feeling there's a lack of satisfaction here. i know he dont like this too...but. i kinda fml about this. lol. and there came an idea of having a job, so i dont have to think about dating or seeing him so much. i fak dis. but this is true. maybe wanting to meet him often and always is such a stupid idea because it wont happen.

ridiculous pulak.
omg do u understand what i'm trying to explain?!! :(

i love you so much

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Finest virtual tarot

I was just so bored, not being khurafat or syirik
so since im being too inquisitive...yeah.. i went to ASKJUD.COM
it is a virtual tarot where u can ask the 'jud' anything and he will answer u like a boss!!!
frigging creepy to the max

And i asked him few questions....

Q: My spm result?
A: I dont think you will believe me..

Q: What should i do now...since he must be so mad at me :(?
A: If i was you, im not going to sleep..

Q: Do u like sex?
A: who doesnt know that?

Q: should i get a new ipad3?
A: Im tired of your questions...

Q: Are u fucking kidding me?
A: Im not answering that


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Monday, February 6, 2012

Just talk with the flow

So last week i went to nida's
last week ke? i dont know haha

we did nothing much...both of us were like.. stoning in front of the elctronics..items every single day
9gag-ing 24/7
and when we met the post we have read..hahaha 
bosan gila balik terbalik boleh mati

she (nida) often, always, selalu says forever alone..oh i am forever alone
i kinda hurt sometimes
bitchh. i am ur bestfriend and i am here with u now how could u said that in front of me??!
oh okay i get it. u want a boyfriend...not a bestfriend
HAHHAHA ok just kiddin!

i actually dont understand her hahhaha since eternity!!!!
but that is how we work. till now :)

umm and days before the sleepover i went to jakarta and bandung
i can say that it is the best trip ever since pergi dengan nabil!
and it was our first vacation together :D yayy!
the magic was....

i didnt feel exhausted or tired or sleepy at night after a loooooooooong day walking and shopping and carrying heavy things (my handbag)
i guess u know why. ceh
because, i always penat sampai longgar lutut walaupun jalan2 cari roti dekat carefour :p
so i think this trip was very fun!

i hope we can go on vacation again, i miss it! :(
and yeah. being around u 24/7 was so wonderful!!!!

waah one of the best gift from dearest Allah, and you :)

Friday, February 3, 2012

Real bitch

Who's the real bitch?


this is my bb storm and it is a mobile phone!!
uh oh sebabnya..

1) tebal, besar dan panas
2)charger dah rosak kena connect pc/laptop (tak pegi tukar lagi)
3)battery cepat saaaaaaaangat habis
4)kena cas at least 5 kali sehari
5)theme tak boleh tukar -theme yg smart punca battery drain
6)setiap kali bangun tidur phone dah mati cause takde battery
7)reboot bapak lama and reboot bila2 sesuka hati bapak dia
8)bukan touch screen, kena click and selalu hang!
9)file selalu error pastu restart and reboot!
10)casing dah tak dijual dalam pasaran lagi!!!

Nak phone baruuuu so bad :( menyesal jugak beli phone ni sebab tak buat research dulu